


Who Do You See When You Look At Me?: Starsky-1981

by KimberlyFDR



Series: Snapshots [3]
Category: Starsky & Hutch
Genre: Angst, Disability, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-11-18
Updated: 2009-11-18
Packaged: 2017-10-03 08:27:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,905
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16082
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KimberlyFDR/pseuds/KimberlyFDR
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I tried to steady my voice. "I'm not doing too good. I'm trying, but everything's so mixed up now. I'm going crazy sitting around here, but I don't know what there's left for me out there."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Who Do You See When You Look At Me?: Starsky-1981

Hutch was working late, so I decided to take Kiko out for the afternoon. We hadn't seen much of him since school had started back, so he was very happy to spend some time with me.

"How's school going?" I asked as we continued down the street. Downtown was busy, like always.

"It's okay. Kinda boring sometimes, but I do all right," Kiko responded.

"Any special girls?" I teased.

He smiled at that. "There's girls. Pete usually scares off most of them, but there's some that still stick around."

"Your sister being a little protective?"

"She's being Pete, you know how it is."

"Hey, Nicky and I were the same way with each other. Comes with the territory."

"Yeah, I know," he laughed. "She still wants you to come over when you have time, have dinner with us. She misses you."

"It's been really busy lately," I admitted. "But soon, we'll do it real soon."

We lapsed into silence for a few minutes. It wasn't really a lie, what I told Kiko. Hutch and I had been busy lately. He was working a lot at the station and I was still adjusting to...well, everything. I was slowly getting back with everyone, resuming my life, but it was a process.

As we passed by the department store, I pointed. "Can we go in here a minute? I need to pick up a shirt for Hutch."

"Sure thing," he agreed, turning towards the store.

Kiko opened the door as I pushed myself in. The men's department was near the front, thankfully. I hated having to navigate through the crowds. As we were looking through the shirts on the outside aisle, I noticed a beautiful blue one on the interior. Unfortunately, there wasn't enough room for me to get close enough.

I pointed towards the shirt. "Can you grab me one of those in medium?"

Kiko went after the piece of clothing. The shirt looked wonderful, just the thing to suit Hutch. When he brought it back, I knew it was perfect. The material was so soft, just like I knew it would be.

"Whatcha think?" I asked, holding it up to my body. "Think Hutch'll like it?"

"Yeah," he answered, nodding.

I dropped it into my lap. "Then let's go pay for it and then we can go over to the park like I promised."

There was no one in line in front of us, so we headed right up to the counter. That's when the idiocy of the sales clerk came into play.

"Did your father find everything okay?" the sales lady asked Kiko.

"He's not my father," Kiko laughed as I pulled out my money.

"Good looks run in the family," I teased.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Well, I hope your friend found everything he needed today."

Kiko just looked at her for a minute. "He's sitting right..."

"Yes, he did, thank you," I responded, cutting off Kiko's sentence. I quickly paid for the shirt and wheeled out, Kiko following behind. For a few moments he didn't talk, but finally couldn't hold it in any longer.

"Doesn't that bother you?" he asked.

"What? That she thought I was your father?" I joked. "Nah, maybe I'm a youthful father or something."

Kiko wasn't playing along. "No, that she asked me for you. You were right there and she acted like you couldn't answer on your own or something."

I tried to shrug it off. "Happens a lot."

"But doesn't it make you mad?"

"Used to," I admitted. "But now, I just ignore it."

"That would make me so mad. I would yell at them or something."

"And then I'd be the crazy guy in the wheelchair instead of just the regular cripple," I pointed out.

"How can you just joke about it?" He didn't seem to understand.

"Kiko..." I began. The open sidewalk was not a good place to have this conversation. I pointed towards the benches in front of the hot dog stand. "Let's go over here and talk."

When Kiko took a seat, I started to explain. "What that sales lady did, it wasn't like it's never happened before. A lot of people look at me and either pity me or act like I don't exist."

He didn't seem to like that, frowning even more at my statement. "But why don't you say anything?"

"I used to get angry at them, make a scene, but it's not worth it. They're not gonna change and no matter how much time I waste trying to make them understand, all they're ever gonna see is the chair."

"But why don't they just talk to you?"

"Because maybe they're afraid. Maybe they don't understand what it means to be disabled. Maybe they're just mean. Remember when you came to visit me in the hospital? You were a little scared, too."

He bowed his head. "Yeah, I was. I was afraid you'd be different." His eyes came up to meet mine. "But then you started talking to me and making jokes and I knew it was okay."

"See? Now you have to remember that these people, they're probably feeling the same thing you did the first time you saw me."

"But....but just because you're in a wheelchair doesn't mean you don't have feelings. You're still Starsky."

I smiled at him. "That's right, I'm still me. But the important people already know that." I patted him on the leg. "Come on. Let's go somewhere."

We started back down the street towards the park, just talking and catching up. Kiko was a great kid and I was glad Hutch and me had the chance to know him. We tried to be there for him and he seemed to be returning the favor more and more. He was growing up, growing into a strong young man.

It was almost seven by the time I got back home. Kiko seemed to have had a good time and I told him that next time Hutch could get some time off, we'd take him to that baseball game we'd been promising and Pete could even come along if she wanted.

I had made it barely in the door when the phone started ringing. I rushed over to it, like I always did when Hutch was working late; that constant irrational fear that something had happened.

"Hello?" I answered warily.

"David?"

Margaret Hutchinson was someone who could make me smile no matter what else was going on. The first time I met Hutch's parents, it was like auditioning for the lead in a play or something. I tried to put on my best face, tried to impress them, but I didn't need to. I was Hutch's best friend, someone who would lay down his life for their son, and they saw that. They accepted me and treated me like an extension of their family.

"Maggie, hi," my voice relaxed. "How are you?"

"I'm fine, dear." I could almost hear her smile over the phone. "I was calling to see if Ken was around."

"Sorry, but he's working late." I glanced down at my watch. "I thought it might be him when you called."

"Ahh, sorry I missed him." She paused for a minute. "David, he's okay isn't he?"

That gave me a little unsteadiness. "He's fine. Why? What's wrong?"

"Nothing," she sighed. "I just get so worried for him, especially now."

"You're not the only one."

"David, is he going to stay on the force after...after all this?"

"He's got some things to do, Maggie. He's off the streets, but until he ties up everything about this case, he's planning on staying. But after...After, I don't know what we're gonna do."

"I wish things were different," she answered sadly.

"So do I."

"And what about you? How are you doing?"

"Me? I'm okay," I lied.

"The truth," she requested.

I tried to steady my voice. "I'm not doing too good. I'm trying, but everything's so mixed up now. I'm going crazy sitting around here, but I don't know what there's left for me out there."

"Have you talked to Ken? Asked him what he wants to do?"

"I don't want him sacrificing anymore on me than he has to. I want him to be happy and I want to see him go as far as he can, but...But every time he walks out that door I'm afraid he won't come back."

"You know he'd do anything for you, don't you?"

"Yeah, that's the problem," I answered.

I couldn't lean on him and make him miss out on his life just to be my strength. I had to let him achieve whatever the future held for him and not let my situation tie him down. He always said that he loved me and there wasn't anything that he was giving up, but that wasn't true. He had given up so much already and he would continue to do it until I told him to stop. Hutch would sacrifice everything for me if I asked.

"We would, too. Anytime you or he needed anything, we'd do it. I want you to remember that," Maggie said.

"Thanks, Maggie. That means a lot to me...to us."

"Do you think you'll be able to come and visit sometime soon?"

I was unsure of myself. "I don't know. I mean, Hutch doesn't have much time off lately and...and I'm not sure I'm ready to travel just yet."

"Are you sure you're okay?" Her voice carried a note of deep concern.

"I will be."

She tried to switch off the conversation. "Tell me about your house. We'd just love to see it when you're up for it."

"It's really wonderful, Maggie," I said lovingly. "Hutch did a fantastic job finding it. And he's one tough man, putting up with me throughout the whole thing."

"Yes, Ken told me you weren't overly pleased when he suggested it."

"It wasn't the house, it was....Well, it was something else."

"It's a new life, David. Ken wanted to give you a new life."

"And he has. He's been wonderful to me, sticking by me and taking care of me."

"He loves you, David," she said, pointing out something that she had known long before Hutch told her.

"And I love him. I love him more than I thought I could love anybody. I just hope he doesn't regret it when he looks back and sees what he gave up."

"He's happy. You do that for him." It was such a simple statement, but it said so much.

"Thank you."

"Now," she said, ending the conversation. "You tell Ken to call me when he has a chance. And think about what I said. When you feel up for it, we've got to plan a visit."

"Will do." I smiled. "Talk to you later."

"Goodbye, dear."

After hanging up the phone, I had a calm about me. Maggie was right. Hutch was happy, we both were, and we had gotten through the bad times before. This was a big challenge, a tremendous change from the future we had planned, but it wasn't impossible. It would be okay, everything would turn out the way it was meant to be. We just had to remember that. For now, we could focus on what was never going to change. He loved me and I loved him. The other things in our lives were just details.


End file.
